Silverlake was a bust, and Capital of Texas Tri was a no-go, so I'm down to my third and last option: Danskin.
Screw this one up, and the title "triathlete" goes out the window. Instead, I'm just that girl who exercises a lot. Not as cool.
And yes, yesterday was my birthday. I am officially 29 and holding. So, thanks to all who called or emailed, and if you forgot, just consider it a preemptive strike for when I forget your birthdays next time. No worries:)
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Good news, I'm lucid
So, my hormones are all calmed down and the adrenaline has drained from my body, and I'm back to regular, lucid, non-ranting Robin. With a rib issue.
I did actually take a nap Sunday, and by mid-afternoon I absolutely could not stand my own melodrama, so I got over it.
Still bummed? Yes. But, it was just one of those weird things, an accident, and not at all the end of the world.
I think the rib is bruised, not broken. I feel kind of achy all over, and every time I laugh or sneeze, I regret it. Otherwise, all is well. The race this weekend is off, but I'm still going to drive to Austin and cheer for the people in my class. It's almost as exciting to watch them succeed as to do it myself, you know? I feel like we're a team.
So, rest assured I'm fine. Bruised, but not broken. I'll be ready for Danskin.
I did actually take a nap Sunday, and by mid-afternoon I absolutely could not stand my own melodrama, so I got over it.
Still bummed? Yes. But, it was just one of those weird things, an accident, and not at all the end of the world.
I think the rib is bruised, not broken. I feel kind of achy all over, and every time I laugh or sneeze, I regret it. Otherwise, all is well. The race this weekend is off, but I'm still going to drive to Austin and cheer for the people in my class. It's almost as exciting to watch them succeed as to do it myself, you know? I feel like we're a team.
So, rest assured I'm fine. Bruised, but not broken. I'll be ready for Danskin.
Sunday, May 21, 2006
DNF
Any minute now, results will be posted for the Silverlake Tri, and next to my name it will say DNF. Did Not Finish.
I am so damn disappointed, I can't even explain. Every time I think about that moment where I realized, "There's no way I can finish this race" and made the decision to quit, I start crying again. I'm totally boo-hooing as I type this.
I'm not sure why this race meant so much to me - maybe because it was the first, maybe because it was the one I counted on finishing since it was shortest, I'm not sure. Anyway, I didn't finish, and I feel absolutely demoralized.
Before the race I was totally excited and having fun. I got there early, set up my little station, ran into two attorneys from work and a guy from my training class. My race number was 69, and there is just enough 13-year-old boy in me that I was amused at having that written all over my body in Magic Marker.
Then, we got all lined up for the swimming waves. Men went first, oldest to youngest, then women. So, my age group was the very last group in the water. We cheered every time the starting gun went off, every time a new age group began. As we shuffled forward, we were all getting nervous, but excited.
Finally it was our turn. The entire group gets into the water together, waiting for the gun to start swimming. We were packed fairly close together, and I remember thinking that I wished I were off to the side. But then the gun went off, and we were all swimming, and I was amazed that OH MAN, I am doing a triathlon!
And that's when some girl in front of me gave me a swift kick in my right ribs. Direct hit. Sharp pain. I think I cried out, because all of a sudden I was swallowing a lot of lake water, and my ribs were throbbing.
I'm not sure what made up my mind, maybe the sight of my whole group swimming off without me, but I decided I wasn't quitting without a fight. So I swam. I swam that whole fucking lake, wincing and doggie paddling and backstroking and probably crying, but I did it. I was the very last person out of the water. I know I came out crying and holding my right side, and I remember an EMT asking if I needed help, but I brushed past him and got ready to start biking.
The bike route was two 5-mile loops. I made it around once, five miles, hurting with every breath I took, before I quit. I remember seeing the four-mile mark, and thinking, "Can I do this again? Can I make this lap again? And then do the run? I'm more than halfway, and the hard part is behind me." And then I remember deciding no, and preparing to turn in, and people were cheering for me, yelling, "You're doing great!" and "Almost there!" and I felt like such a fraud, because I knew I wasn't doing great, wasn't even going to finish.
So that is how my race finished...I pulled up to the transition station, and somebody started yelling for the EMT, and an ambulance drove over, and I just remember crying and crying, so mad at that anonymous girl, and so mad at myself for quitting.
Bottom line, it appears I have a broken or fractured rib. Which means that the Capital of Texas tri is probably out too, since it is next weekend.
So, I'm going to feel really, really sorry for myself until maybe 2:00. I'm going to take a shower, and cry, and take a nap, and really wallow in how disappointed I am. After that, feel free to start reminding me how life is about the journey, and I'm a winner because I took the class, and all of that stuff that I know but don't want to focus on yet. Right now, I'm just too damn sad.
I am so damn disappointed, I can't even explain. Every time I think about that moment where I realized, "There's no way I can finish this race" and made the decision to quit, I start crying again. I'm totally boo-hooing as I type this.
I'm not sure why this race meant so much to me - maybe because it was the first, maybe because it was the one I counted on finishing since it was shortest, I'm not sure. Anyway, I didn't finish, and I feel absolutely demoralized.
Before the race I was totally excited and having fun. I got there early, set up my little station, ran into two attorneys from work and a guy from my training class. My race number was 69, and there is just enough 13-year-old boy in me that I was amused at having that written all over my body in Magic Marker.
Then, we got all lined up for the swimming waves. Men went first, oldest to youngest, then women. So, my age group was the very last group in the water. We cheered every time the starting gun went off, every time a new age group began. As we shuffled forward, we were all getting nervous, but excited.
Finally it was our turn. The entire group gets into the water together, waiting for the gun to start swimming. We were packed fairly close together, and I remember thinking that I wished I were off to the side. But then the gun went off, and we were all swimming, and I was amazed that OH MAN, I am doing a triathlon!
And that's when some girl in front of me gave me a swift kick in my right ribs. Direct hit. Sharp pain. I think I cried out, because all of a sudden I was swallowing a lot of lake water, and my ribs were throbbing.
I'm not sure what made up my mind, maybe the sight of my whole group swimming off without me, but I decided I wasn't quitting without a fight. So I swam. I swam that whole fucking lake, wincing and doggie paddling and backstroking and probably crying, but I did it. I was the very last person out of the water. I know I came out crying and holding my right side, and I remember an EMT asking if I needed help, but I brushed past him and got ready to start biking.
The bike route was two 5-mile loops. I made it around once, five miles, hurting with every breath I took, before I quit. I remember seeing the four-mile mark, and thinking, "Can I do this again? Can I make this lap again? And then do the run? I'm more than halfway, and the hard part is behind me." And then I remember deciding no, and preparing to turn in, and people were cheering for me, yelling, "You're doing great!" and "Almost there!" and I felt like such a fraud, because I knew I wasn't doing great, wasn't even going to finish.
So that is how my race finished...I pulled up to the transition station, and somebody started yelling for the EMT, and an ambulance drove over, and I just remember crying and crying, so mad at that anonymous girl, and so mad at myself for quitting.
Bottom line, it appears I have a broken or fractured rib. Which means that the Capital of Texas tri is probably out too, since it is next weekend.
So, I'm going to feel really, really sorry for myself until maybe 2:00. I'm going to take a shower, and cry, and take a nap, and really wallow in how disappointed I am. After that, feel free to start reminding me how life is about the journey, and I'm a winner because I took the class, and all of that stuff that I know but don't want to focus on yet. Right now, I'm just too damn sad.
Silverlake in the morning!!!
This afternoon at 4:00, I decided to take a little nap. The idea was to grab a few Z's, then go to the gallery opening of a friend of mine, then get ready for the triathlon, and hit the sack by 10:00. I'm supposed to be there ready to go at 5:30 am.
Instead, I went to sleep at 4:00 and woke up at 10:30. Doh.
So, here I am, my giant Nordstrom bag of triathlon stuff packed, stressing over stuff like whether the number should be pinned on the front or back of my shirt, where to put the stickers on my helmet, blah, blah, blah. And now I am wide awake. So, I'm chilling out with a bowl of cereal and a very special Dr. Phil primetime special. This is not exactly how I intended to prepare for the race, but I guess it'll do.
Of COURSE, I will let you all know how it went tomorrow. There are only 400 people in the race, so I anticipate finishing somewhere around 398. Surely there are two people slower than me:)
Instead, I went to sleep at 4:00 and woke up at 10:30. Doh.
So, here I am, my giant Nordstrom bag of triathlon stuff packed, stressing over stuff like whether the number should be pinned on the front or back of my shirt, where to put the stickers on my helmet, blah, blah, blah. And now I am wide awake. So, I'm chilling out with a bowl of cereal and a very special Dr. Phil primetime special. This is not exactly how I intended to prepare for the race, but I guess it'll do.
Of COURSE, I will let you all know how it went tomorrow. There are only 400 people in the race, so I anticipate finishing somewhere around 398. Surely there are two people slower than me:)
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